#GoFGYourself @FierceGraceYoga From Bikram to FierceGrace: starting my 10th Year of Hot Yoga

“Your leg has not been in the right place, ever since your hip was dislocated.” That’s how my specialised pelvis therapist Alexander Barrie described recently what I have painfully sensed, ever since 1973.

Queens Crescent has been my preferred studio, since I discovered it 10 years ago. Hence I experienced the transition from Bikram to Fierce Grace. It felt as if Bikram turned me into a good footballer, but FG into a better dancer.

Last year I had traumatic reasons for being in Berlin: I needed to flee from prosecution and imprisonment in a secret family court, after I exposed the worst of all child abuse cases. Hence I could go back to doing Bikram for nearly six months.

Here I enjoy the variety of the classes and am proud to be able to do them all, whenever I feel strong enough. At least once, hopefully twice a week. But when I started, I even did the 30-day challenge and Emma gave me an orange Yoga mat.

I shall never forgot how virtually every class ended in tears for the first six months. I got in touch with the emotional pain that surrounds my chronic physical pain:  (more…)

Published in: on May 8, 2016 at 10:31 am  Leave a Comment  
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Heal Thyself with #HotYoga and #PelvicCorrection after 42 Years of Pain ‘Management’

Yes, it’s over 42 years since January 1973 when I remembered falling and thinking ‘this must be the end, this must be the ocean.

Well, eventually I discovered the ‘cosmic ocean‘ as the reality that holds and embeds us, the invisible worlds of energies that physics can’t unite between nuclear and astral scales.

And my invention of analysing images in a new way will lead to making pain visible! I just wonder when the wisdom of the universe will want that to come out. Meanwhile, I keep trying and kicking…

Especially after doctors told me that my pain is ‘psychological’, I’ve made the rounds in search of pain relief. But pains are only SYMPTOMS. What matters is to find the CAUSES.

Mis-alignment is an ‘obvious’ cause that I discovered thanks to what was first Bikram Yoga and became Fierce Grace in North London. Since I had to flee UK jurisdiction in February this year, I had the opportunity to practise the 26 Bikram postures in Berlin again. Back in London, I was arrested by Police since I had blown the whistle on the worst of all child abuse cases. That shock and trauma of 10 hours threw me back big time!  (more…)

SACRIFICE means to make sacred – like Prometheus stealing the fire: re-discovering Bikram after Fierce Grace

I fled the UK Police and London on 11 February to be in Berlin. That means doing ‘classical Bikram’ rather than Fierce Grace. I find it fascinating to notice the difference in the ENERGETIC realm, besides the PHYSICAL experience.

Hot Yoga remains my ‘spiritual refuge’ and I kept crying when mentioning my situation, but I keep challenging myself physically in the positions and energetically by resting or not, so that I can live with my outer situation:

  • I will only be able to go back to the UK, once we’ve won Private Prosecutions and Civil Claims.
  • I may have to ask friends and / or commission a company to pack and store my belongings.
  • A private pilot told me that I would be arrested at any airport – treated as a ‘terrorist’.

‘Uncovering the genius within’ is one of the messages in this video as a ‘sign of our times’.

We have to make sacred something within ourselves.

Where there’s fear, there is power.

What it takes to develop trust… It only comes through intimacy…

‘The rule of our fathers’ is crackling. SYNARCHY is the alternative to patriarchy and matriarchy. The term was coined by the remarkable Rowena Pattee Kryder:

  • social harmony‘ thanks to the JOINT hierarchy between humanity and technology!

This video focuses on the political analysis of our special times and it matches my understanding big time:

Opening Hips and Shoulders with Fierce Grace – to heal the trauma of my accident

It was not a very professional transition from the one and only Bikram class with 26 postures to five different classes with lots of new postures in a number of variations.

Re-branding Bikram into Fierce Grace meant teaching trainers and students.

For my dislocated hip and its effects on the rest of my body, it was god sent despite all the hiccups: the Bikram postures could have turned me into a good footballer. Fierce Grace might make a dancer out of me… 🙂

In other words: there’s a lot more to stretch in the hip area that has never been stretched before so that the left hip resembles the right one! As a result, I can’t walk without sticks. But I am convinced that this, too, will pass and that I will come out with a healed hip. The question is when!

10 days ago, the Yoga class inspired me to do for myself what I have done for so many victims of white collar crimes: write a one-page summary.  (more…)

40 Years of chronic pain since an accident that I was lucky to survive

Last year I had that dream in which I was told that I would become pain free “probably by the end of the summer”. Unfortunately, that has not happened yet. In fact, it seemed as if the various ‘dodgy areas’ took pleasure in becoming particularly delicate.

But fortunately, the pains change in terms of places and intensity, also depending on how much walking I do of course.

However, regular Bikram sessions keep improving all the bits and pieces: knees, arms, shoulders and, above all, the hip joint.

I cannot but think over these 40 years as a strange kind of waking up:

  • I thought that my then employer CERN had my interest at heart
  • I thought that doctors knew what they were talking about
  • I thought that being self-employed is as straight forward an option as being employed.

Instead, I have come to appreciate huge differences not only between employment and self-employment, but also between ‘being taken care of’ by doctors and looking after one’s own health.

In fact, moving from Geneva, Switzerland, to UK London taught me the notion that the State looks after you ‘from the cradle to the grave’.

Well, it clearly ain’t so:

  1. the State claimed our men to fight wars
  2. then it claimed our women to rebuild what was left
  3. now they are claiming our children for sex, money or both.

(more…)

Alignment, attunement and attainment – a mantra for many of life’s situations

Today was the third session since I’m back in London and I can walk again – more or less without that preventive limp that my leg invented in its wisdom. And today I listened to a teacher who was new to me.

She kept pretty much to the standard script, but I loved the mention of these three words:

  • alignment which I’ve been very aware of as a ‘twist’ from shifting emphasis and strength from the right (active) to the left (receptive) half of my body
  • attunement to me means being ‘aligned’ with the tune, sounds and song of the Universe in the sense of “I’ve done it my way”: singing one’s song as if nobody was listening and dancing one’s dance as if noone was watching
  • attainment is then the euphoria or ecstasy that can arise from becoming One with the Universe, one’s purpose and, possibly, A N Other.

But it all requires constant awareness and and the steady discipline of monitoring one’s thoughts and feelings: the connections between sensations and emotions, energies and verbalisations and, the mysterious link between the unconscious becoming conscious.

One Bikram teacher once said to me when I asked what she thinks happens to our mind as we attend class after class: it’s detoxing, i.e. changing from negativity to positivity.

I have certainly changed a lot from weeping for weeks to smiling at my chins and watching my thoughts and associations change every time, before I ‘come back to reality’. I certainly am glad, grateful and thrilled to be able to practise meditation in this challenging way.  (more…)

Major ‘software changes’ after 7 years of ‘hardware’ re-alignment

In body terms, hardware means: spine, skeleton and bones. Software means: muscles, tendons and ligaments.

My first seven years of Bikram Yoga resulted in

  • generally feeling ‘loose’ around the joints, especially the shoulders
  • strengthening the muscles around the back, so that its painful feelings of brittleness turned into some flexibility and certainly strength
  • noticing serious improvements regarding what I could do with my left leg: whether it’s getting dressed or in Yoga positions
  • observing how my left hip gradually seemed to get ‘set’ in new micro-ways, as if before it wasn’t quite in the right place.

But now I spent five weeks clearing out my mum’s household which obviously was more than just 26 postures in a hot room… Once I was so exhausted that I went to bed before 8pm and slept for 8 hours…

Now I’m back in London and noticed during my first Yoga session

  • how exhausted I am for I felt like fainting
  • how painful my left leg is so that I actually limp most of the time
  • how I can hardly make certain movements that used not to be a problem.

Hence I have decided to commit myself to coming twice a week, until I am ‘back to normal’ again. In Berlin I always could do more, for the studio is never as hot. But in London I certainly should be able to do a lot more than I did today.

Above all else I KNOW that, one fine day, the left side will be like the right side. I just hope it’ll be before I leave my body altogether! But if not, at least I’ve tried – with the ONLY method that offers me that promise!

Nobody knows the troubles I’ve felt…

Every Wednesday is my Yoga day in Berlin, but when I’m in London I try to go more frequently, as travel time is so much less.

Today I came out with my hip aching as if the accident was a few months ago. The miracles of re-aligning and “re-twisting” that joint into place, tendons, ligaments, muscles and all, will not cease to amaze me. It may not happen 100% by the time I die, but I sure will keep trying!!!

For neither doctors nor lawyers will EVER know how I feel and have been feeling. Nor will they “volunteer” to pay for damages or compensation. Their mindsets won’t allow it: male, mean, non-caring, non-healing, analytical rather than conceptual, restrictive rather than constructive, competitive rather than cooperative, and so it goes along the male / female divide.

Men need to connect their heads with their hearts, as they grow older, but who succeeds?

Women need to connect their hearts with their head, but how many men can stand smart women??? Either intelligent or pretty, but not both. That’s what I discovered at the time of advising physicists who became nobel prize winners later.

But I know what I know, and I trust that the Universe knows, too. Everything will come right, in its time and its logic:

  • the Universe did NOT let me find CERN as an employer, only to forget about it, once I had made my fundamental discoveries and deep insights
  • it does NOT want me to suffer for the sake of suffering; I am gaining insights and my self-knowledge is growing
  • and I am gaining strength and flexibility, as well as purposefulness and pointedness as I practise the Standing Bow…

Watch this space… i.e. where I share my passion for Bikram Yoga as the best physiotherapy there is. I wish all orthopaedic doctors did it once a week!

Published in: on February 9, 2011 at 4:33 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Learning from Defending Victims: Email to CERN’s Legal Service with a view to Compensation

To get compensation for emotional, physical or mental harm done, doesn’t seem to fit into our capitalist culture. Backed by lawyers, ask for the maximum and pay out a minimum. That’s the game of institutions, whether employers or their health insurance companies.

I have two grievances and have sent them to the European Committee for Petitions:

  1. doctors claimed to know that I would NOT suffer from my injuries in ‘old age’
  2. lawyers claimed I should have complained within 10 years of leaving CERN, my then employer who had sent me to Lawrence Radiation Lab in Berkeley on an exchange visit of two months.

(more…)

Published in: on November 18, 2010 at 11:52 am  Leave a Comment  
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