LIVING WITH PAIN – a permanent exercise in Body Awareness

Awareness is a challenging phenomenon, methinks. I put it into ‘3D’ as many of my philosophical thoughts and scientific concepts:

  • awareness of Self, Other and the Universe,
  • and of Body, Mind and Spirit in ourselves.

Over time, awareness becomes consciousness. This consciousness is our eternal self that chooses our life before we are born, as Hermann Hesse writes so beautifully in The Life that I once chose for myself.

In body, mind and spirit, awareness oscillates between observing pain and pleasure, struggle and excitement, anguish and inspiration.

Physical pain has been my permanent reminder since January 1973. One of its ‘accompaniments’ has been that pain is invisible. But people ‘believe’ it when I use crutches, or lately walking sticks.

But unless people have experienced pain themselves, it seems hard to imagine what it feels like to be nerved by pain, to anticipate it, to be reminded by the many places in the body than can hurt…

Do we need a life of pain to feel and BE alive? It seems so. My wonderful friend Belinda McKenzie was given a poem by her Iranian husband that children are taught about life being a battle field.

Maybe what doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger no matter by whatever pain!?… This wonderful article reminds us that it helps us add deeper meaning to our life!


SACRIFICE means to make sacred – like Prometheus stealing the fire: re-discovering Bikram after Fierce Grace

I fled the UK Police and London on 11 February to be in Berlin. That means doing ‘classical Bikram’ rather than Fierce Grace. I find it fascinating to notice the difference in the ENERGETIC realm, besides the PHYSICAL experience.

Hot Yoga remains my ‘spiritual refuge’ and I kept crying when mentioning my situation, but I keep challenging myself physically in the positions and energetically by resting or not, so that I can live with my outer situation:

  • I will only be able to go back to the UK, once we’ve won Private Prosecutions and Civil Claims.
  • I may have to ask friends and / or commission a company to pack and store my belongings.
  • A private pilot told me that I would be arrested at any airport – treated as a ‘terrorist’.

‘Uncovering the genius within’ is one of the messages in this video as a ‘sign of our times’.

We have to make sacred something within ourselves.

Where there’s fear, there is power.

What it takes to develop trust… It only comes through intimacy…

‘The rule of our fathers’ is crackling. SYNARCHY is the alternative to patriarchy and matriarchy. The term was coined by the remarkable Rowena Pattee Kryder:

  • social harmony‘ thanks to the JOINT hierarchy between humanity and technology!

This video focuses on the political analysis of our special times and it matches my understanding big time:

HOW TO Turn Pain into Pleasure? With YogaBabies!

In my recent Yoga practice I have had major highs, feeling like a million Bradburys, thinking that only your body can let you feel such pinnacles of pleasure.

However, I have also felt more acute pains during my practice than before.

And when I was moaning, whining and complaining about this to my inner monitor, this lovely trainer Kate Comer seems to have sensed it. For she came during one of the exercises and stretched my back. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Why? Because, it was one of these rare occasions where somebody could relate to my experience and acknowledge it in a soothing way… She also acknowledged this ‘opportunity for letting things come up and go’ when closing the session. It’s ‘nice’ to feel acknowledged, for it’s tough to live with the presence of pain for 40 years, I can assure you.

But when I saw Kate again yesterday, she suggested to call it ‘sensation’ – i.e. take the ‘sting’ out of ‘pain’. She has acquired this experience through Yoga and the birth of her own two babies. Hence she is now passing her knowledge on by teaching classes for Yoga Babies.

I just wish that not only women learned about giving birth with more awareness but also men and women when they make love. Conscious conception is an art never taught in the West. In the East, however, we know of not only the Art of Tantra but also the Tao of Sex!

What is it with this Western male analytical mind that domineered for two millennia? Well, it’s just called evolution of humanity and planet in one universe. Remember: Yoga means unity, unison, oneness…

And in the Western mindset of mathematics I discovered this in terms of time, space and measuring. But that’s going to be another blog post.


Probably by the end of this summer I’ll be pain free…

During Bikram classes I often write a blog post in my mind, describing what I experience: the utter miraculousness of the wisdom of the body that knows how to heal itself. Don’t ask me about pain though. It’s as if the last haul has to be made particularly hard and tough so that the prospect of being pain free can really be enjoyed!

I would never have suggested a time limit. But recently I was told in a dream that “probably by the end of this summer I’ll be free of my pains”… Should I force it and go every day for the final stretch? No, I shall continue to go when I feel like it; when it feels I need to stretch such that I feel DIFFERENTLY afterwards. For that never fails, no matter how tough you may feel during a class because of the stress and strain of the exercises in the heat.

Why would my left arm have to become so painful, as my left leg is straightening itself out? I guess, because everything is connected in unfathomable ways…

It’s rather intriguing: when I started seven years ago, my lower back was so ‘brittle’ and my neck was so limited in its movement. My shoulders feel loose, even though they are still more than tight. But the latest adjustments are the most superficial layers around hip, thigh and knee, as if the first changes were the deepest on the level of joints and bones.

Utterly miraculous – the sum total of determination, persistence, perseverance and commitment: to healing and helping others by healing self. What else is worth doing???