Our injuries are our teachers. #Learning by Doing and #Healing by #Suffering.

Today was a special class / workshop and I was more aware of my recent traumatisation than of my long-term pain condition. I took the Pelvic Corrector along to share my big discovery for self-healing.

Michelle closed the event by saying that our injuries are our teachers…

What have they taught me, my whiplash and dislocated hip since 1973?

Let me count insights and resolutions:

  1. Pain is invisible. It has its own way of making itself known and releasing itself. Hot Yoga aids tremendously.
  2. The more I become aware of my pains as signals of doing or not doing things, the more I can discover ‘stillness’ as the ultimate place of paradise.
  3. It is a great pity that doctors are not trained in holistic ways. They want me to take pain killers which I did recently, after I had my wisdom tooth extracted. But otherwise? Why numb and dumb the signals that alert me to nerves, ligaments, tendons, muscles, joints and everything that connects our physical hard- and software?
  4. Before I started hot Yoga, I swore by my osteopath to ‘put me straight’. Thanks to my campaigning for child rights, I have discovered the Pelvic Corrector Tool and its inventor Alexander Barrie. Now I can exercise at home and while travelling but am also being treated in truly holistic ways, from head (cranial osteopathy) to toe (reflexology) – with very specific movements for very particular muscles at ‘peculiar’ angles, for example – along the whole left leg. It’s obvious that the whole leg has suffered since its connection with the pelvis was dislocated and thus all movements strained and misaligned the poor thing. But nobody has ever spelled it out. I could only feel it. Every day. With every movement.
  5. Living with pain means trying to avoid it. Stopping just before it starts, if possible. But that’s only possible with physical movements. When emotional traumatisation and shock create pain, we have to help the dissolution in other ways.
  6. In the end it’s all about giving attention to Self and acting response-ably to the signals.
  7. “Keep the Stillness” was Monday’s teacher’s blessing…


Published in: on January 28, 2016 at 2:29 am  Leave a Comment  

MARVELLING at the wisdom of #Yoga and the #healingpowers of our body thanks to #FierceGrace

I am in my eighth year of hot Yoga. And I have been doing it for sure twice a week on average. Often more, once even the 30-day challenge. And I can guarantee that I always come out feeling better than when I walk into the hot studio in Queens Crescent. I’ve tried the one in the City and Primrose Hill, besides the one in Berlin, but who cares what the surroundings are. What matters is the heat, the wisdom of the postures and the style of the trainer that is hopefully agreeable to your own nature.

Tonight I felt as rotten as possible. But it was maybe the Italian white-haired lady in the bus who asked about my wonderful walking sticks and suggested that I should invoke my ‘healing energies’. Or else it was the oodles of yawns that got rid of stress that had settled down in my lungs. Or maybe it was simply time for me to heal and come closer to the promise of this dream of two years ago: at the end of the summer you will be pain free. Which summer, I keep wondering?

Well, I was FAR from pain free during today’s class. In fact, I was ‘marvelling’ at the way in which my body could make itself known to me through sensations that can only be called painful. But it is REPAIRING itself! Why should it not hurt, when the whole left leg has to turn itself more and more towards its inside? Hip, thigh, knee, ankle and foot. Joints, muscles, tendons and ligaments. Everything move, all together, please!  (more…)

Opening Hips and Shoulders with Fierce Grace – to heal the trauma of my accident

It was not a very professional transition from the one and only Bikram class with 26 postures to five different classes with lots of new postures in a number of variations.

Re-branding Bikram into Fierce Grace meant teaching trainers and students.

For my dislocated hip and its effects on the rest of my body, it was god sent despite all the hiccups: the Bikram postures could have turned me into a good footballer. Fierce Grace might make a dancer out of me… 🙂

In other words: there’s a lot more to stretch in the hip area that has never been stretched before so that the left hip resembles the right one! As a result, I can’t walk without sticks. But I am convinced that this, too, will pass and that I will come out with a healed hip. The question is when!

10 days ago, the Yoga class inspired me to do for myself what I have done for so many victims of white collar crimes: write a one-page summary.  (more…)

Towards Christmas 2012 and the New 2013: personal is professional and political

12 12 10 ChristmasBikram Yoga continues to be at the core of my activities. But the stillness while the heart is beating in between postures is not enough to make sense of the world I see from my experiences.

I need more time for reflection and expression of thoughts and feelings, as Christmas is approaching. What a blessing that the web offers us everything we’d ever might have wished to find in a library – right now, right in my laptop.

There is a brilliant 2-minute history of our planet, mankind and where we’re at on this video. And a remarkable Shift Happens about where technology may take us…


The Battle is long, the Struggle is Hard, while the Fight is Good…

Bikram Yoga - with Bikram Choudhury
Bikram Yoga – with Bikram Choudhury (Photo credit: tiarescott)

These were my thoughts today, when I felt the room was too hot for me again to do much. But I can always sit in Japanese style to exercise my left knee and leg as a whole.

The battle of ending 39 years of chronic pain with 7 years of struggles during Bikram practice is a fight that, fortunately, is worth fighting.

A friend said that she is addicted to the sweat. But I am addicted to the ‘squeaky clean’ feeling afterwards and the fact that I nearly always feel much better than when I came.

What I find rather ‘whimsical’ is the parallel between my inner Bikram battle / struggle / fight and my outer experiences and observations:

  • having heard about battles of victims of white collar crimes since 1998 when they came to meetings I organised in the House of Lords
  • exposing struggles of parents whose children were snatched
  • fighting the good fight for justice, human rights and sanity in a world that seems to be there mainly so that we realise the difference between reality and ‘maya’ or illusion.

The other day I read one person’s bio who said that the purpose of life was ‘enlightenment’.

I guess, for me it is life long learning. For it seems that there is always more to learn: about Self, people, ideas and… software!

But will the world become less painful once I am painfree???

And will I have reasons to celebrate my software innovations being recognised and appreciated???

Published in: on September 24, 2012 at 9:51 pm  Leave a Comment  

Towards ending 39 years of chronic pain while continuing the “good fight”

Dear Emma

Since you are a very senior teacher, I KNOW that you knew what you were doing when you stopped the draft under the  door that gave me some cooling in the heat… You had corrected my posture before, you had opened the door for me, so I knew you cared and observed. You obviously noticed that I cried, for you wouldn’t have talked about people crying during class.

The only trouble is: I keep crying now when I remember the session… When I started Bikram in 2005, I used to cry for months, mainly at the end, and considered it ‘progress’ when it stopped. I even did the 30-day challenge, i.e. every day in a row and you gave me an orange mat as acknowledgement.

In Berlin, where I’ve been practising since 2009, the studio is cooler, so I can always do all exercises, whereas in London I need to rest depending on the heat and on the day. You can tell from the redness of my face.


Over a year later

Having started Bikram Yoga in March 2005, it’s now well over a year that I’ve enjoyed my progress. In ordinary walking terms, I can say my hip is 95% healed. During Bikram exercises I’m maybe at 70%.

But yesterday I was very surprised at noticing how the heat which normally exhausts me affected me much less! Normally, I would lie down during a number of exerices – depending on the redness of my face that seems to be a measure for the degree of exhaustion I experience. But yesterday, while being red-faced, I could do more exercises than I’ve done for a long time – but at 42 degrees!

39 degrees feels ‘cool’ in comparison. But I came out jumping inside – full of renewed energy – even though I had to cry again over my hurtful hip… But the beauty of crying is that it stops. And the beauty of this magical Bikram process is that it gives you what you need at any given time. Since I cannot really know what that is, I keep being surprised: at the exercises I can do better and better during the class and the way I carry myself in the real world.

Yesterday I was at an exhibition all day long – without experiencing ANY back pain at all, whereas I used not to be able to stand for one minute without my back hurting!

I used not to be able to bend backwards whereas I now adore trying to reach the back wall! And thus I sing a Yoga song of Bikram praise – or as delight-ful trainer Gaby would say: my cells are singing with happiness!

Published in: on June 30, 2006 at 7:21 am  Leave a Comment