Our injuries are our teachers. #Learning by Doing and #Healing by #Suffering.

Today was a special class / workshop and I was more aware of my recent traumatisation than of my long-term pain condition. I took the Pelvic Corrector along to share my big discovery for self-healing.

Michelle closed the event by saying that our injuries are our teachers…

What have they taught me, my whiplash and dislocated hip since 1973?

Let me count insights and resolutions:

  1. Pain is invisible. It has its own way of making itself known and releasing itself. Hot Yoga aids tremendously.
  2. The more I become aware of my pains as signals of doing or not doing things, the more I can discover ‘stillness’ as the ultimate place of paradise.
  3. It is a great pity that doctors are not trained in holistic ways. They want me to take pain killers which I did recently, after I had my wisdom tooth extracted. But otherwise? Why numb and dumb the signals that alert me to nerves, ligaments, tendons, muscles, joints and everything that connects our physical hard- and software?
  4. Before I started hot Yoga, I swore by my osteopath to ‘put me straight’. Thanks to my campaigning for child rights, I have discovered the Pelvic Corrector Tool and its inventor Alexander Barrie. Now I can exercise at home and while travelling but am also being treated in truly holistic ways, from head (cranial osteopathy) to toe (reflexology) – with very specific movements for very particular muscles at ‘peculiar’ angles, for example – along the whole left leg. It’s obvious that the whole leg has suffered since its connection with the pelvis was dislocated and thus all movements strained and misaligned the poor thing. But nobody has ever spelled it out. I could only feel it. Every day. With every movement.
  5. Living with pain means trying to avoid it. Stopping just before it starts, if possible. But that’s only possible with physical movements. When emotional traumatisation and shock create pain, we have to help the dissolution in other ways.
  6. In the end it’s all about giving attention to Self and acting response-ably to the signals.
  7. “Keep the Stillness” was Monday’s teacher’s blessing…

 

Published in: on January 28, 2016 at 2:29 am  Leave a Comment  

Heal Thyself with #HotYoga and #PelvicCorrection after 42 Years of Pain ‘Management’

Yes, it’s over 42 years since January 1973 when I remembered falling and thinking ‘this must be the end, this must be the ocean.

Well, eventually I discovered the ‘cosmic ocean‘ as the reality that holds and embeds us, the invisible worlds of energies that physics can’t unite between nuclear and astral scales.

And my invention of analysing images in a new way will lead to making pain visible! I just wonder when the wisdom of the universe will want that to come out. Meanwhile, I keep trying and kicking…

Especially after doctors told me that my pain is ‘psychological’, I’ve made the rounds in search of pain relief. But pains are only SYMPTOMS. What matters is to find the CAUSES.

Mis-alignment is an ‘obvious’ cause that I discovered thanks to what was first Bikram Yoga and became Fierce Grace in North London. Since I had to flee UK jurisdiction in February this year, I had the opportunity to practise the 26 Bikram postures in Berlin again. Back in London, I was arrested by Police since I had blown the whistle on the worst of all child abuse cases. That shock and trauma of 10 hours threw me back big time!  (more…)

MARVELLING at the wisdom of #Yoga and the #healingpowers of our body thanks to #FierceGrace

I am in my eighth year of hot Yoga. And I have been doing it for sure twice a week on average. Often more, once even the 30-day challenge. And I can guarantee that I always come out feeling better than when I walk into the hot studio in Queens Crescent. I’ve tried the one in the City and Primrose Hill, besides the one in Berlin, but who cares what the surroundings are. What matters is the heat, the wisdom of the postures and the style of the trainer that is hopefully agreeable to your own nature.

Tonight I felt as rotten as possible. But it was maybe the Italian white-haired lady in the bus who asked about my wonderful walking sticks and suggested that I should invoke my ‘healing energies’. Or else it was the oodles of yawns that got rid of stress that had settled down in my lungs. Or maybe it was simply time for me to heal and come closer to the promise of this dream of two years ago: at the end of the summer you will be pain free. Which summer, I keep wondering?

Well, I was FAR from pain free during today’s class. In fact, I was ‘marvelling’ at the way in which my body could make itself known to me through sensations that can only be called painful. But it is REPAIRING itself! Why should it not hurt, when the whole left leg has to turn itself more and more towards its inside? Hip, thigh, knee, ankle and foot. Joints, muscles, tendons and ligaments. Everything move, all together, please!  (more…)

STARTING a new 7-year-Cycle of re-locating a dis-located hip

Schematic Examples of CNS Structural Changes i...

Schematic Examples of CNS Structural Changes in chronic pain (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Emma is one of the senior teachers who has accompanied my odyssey since I started Bikram Yoga in 2005. Yesterday I asked her to watch my ‘general mess’, as I’m soo emotional about going to Geneva to celebrate 50 years of Computing @ CERN – where the web was born – my then employer who sent me to Lawrence Radiation Lab. But on the way, the driver, a physicist friend of mine, fell asleep and we fell 24 feet down the motorway…

Taking stock must take place on a number of levels:

The dislocated hip:

  • it feels as if the fine re-location keeps going on, and I only noticed that since about a year;
  • it was only through Bikram Yoga that I became aware of how my body had accommodated for the dislocation;
  • only through Bikram have I experienced the re-alignment that had become necessary and that includes both knees badly!

Pain: 

  • a LOT better, but still often enough bad enough, when every step and both hips hurt in bed;
  • who would have thought that my right arm and shoulder need to hurt these days – to realign everything else,  while relocating my left hip?

Physical well-being:

  • TERRIFIC: instead of ageing, I at least stopped the process, if I haven’t reversed it, counting the number of grey hair.

Mental well-being:

  • those 90 minutes of moving meditation are priceless, in terms of allowing ‘stuff’ to come up and let go.

All in all, I can only count my blessings. But: do I kid myself, maybe? Is there more emotional pain that is waiting to be released? After all, my life has been far from easy with 40 years of chronic pain. But who said it would be a rose garden?

Still. There are soo many people whose lives are soo much harder… I shall keep enjoying mine as much as I possibly can!

Towards ending 39 years of chronic pain while continuing the “good fight”

Dear Emma

Since you are a very senior teacher, I KNOW that you knew what you were doing when you stopped the draft under the  door that gave me some cooling in the heat… You had corrected my posture before, you had opened the door for me, so I knew you cared and observed. You obviously noticed that I cried, for you wouldn’t have talked about people crying during class.

The only trouble is: I keep crying now when I remember the session… When I started Bikram in 2005, I used to cry for months, mainly at the end, and considered it ‘progress’ when it stopped. I even did the 30-day challenge, i.e. every day in a row and you gave me an orange mat as acknowledgement.

In Berlin, where I’ve been practising since 2009, the studio is cooler, so I can always do all exercises, whereas in London I need to rest depending on the heat and on the day. You can tell from the redness of my face.

(more…)

The Difference between Who You Are and Who You’d Like to Be is What You Do!

Trainer Elizabeth dropped these words of wisdom at the end of yesterday’s class:

The Difference between Who You Are and Who You’d Like to Be is What You Do!

Yes, being is doing. Love is Action. Sitting around doing nothing doesn’t change us and certainly doesn’t turn us into ‘nice’ people.

Sibel on the day before said

“We’re better people for it: we have more to give. We have more patience.”

(more…)

Alignment, attunement and attainment – a mantra for many of life’s situations

Today was the third session since I’m back in London and I can walk again – more or less without that preventive limp that my leg invented in its wisdom. And today I listened to a teacher who was new to me.

She kept pretty much to the standard script, but I loved the mention of these three words:

  • alignment which I’ve been very aware of as a ‘twist’ from shifting emphasis and strength from the right (active) to the left (receptive) half of my body
  • attunement to me means being ‘aligned’ with the tune, sounds and song of the Universe in the sense of “I’ve done it my way”: singing one’s song as if nobody was listening and dancing one’s dance as if noone was watching
  • attainment is then the euphoria or ecstasy that can arise from becoming One with the Universe, one’s purpose and, possibly, A N Other.

But it all requires constant awareness and and the steady discipline of monitoring one’s thoughts and feelings: the connections between sensations and emotions, energies and verbalisations and, the mysterious link between the unconscious becoming conscious.

One Bikram teacher once said to me when I asked what she thinks happens to our mind as we attend class after class: it’s detoxing, i.e. changing from negativity to positivity.

I have certainly changed a lot from weeping for weeks to smiling at my chins and watching my thoughts and associations change every time, before I ‘come back to reality’. I certainly am glad, grateful and thrilled to be able to practise meditation in this challenging way.  (more…)

Major ‘software changes’ after 7 years of ‘hardware’ re-alignment

In body terms, hardware means: spine, skeleton and bones. Software means: muscles, tendons and ligaments.

My first seven years of Bikram Yoga resulted in

  • generally feeling ‘loose’ around the joints, especially the shoulders
  • strengthening the muscles around the back, so that its painful feelings of brittleness turned into some flexibility and certainly strength
  • noticing serious improvements regarding what I could do with my left leg: whether it’s getting dressed or in Yoga positions
  • observing how my left hip gradually seemed to get ‘set’ in new micro-ways, as if before it wasn’t quite in the right place.

But now I spent five weeks clearing out my mum’s household which obviously was more than just 26 postures in a hot room… Once I was so exhausted that I went to bed before 8pm and slept for 8 hours…

Now I’m back in London and noticed during my first Yoga session

  • how exhausted I am for I felt like fainting
  • how painful my left leg is so that I actually limp most of the time
  • how I can hardly make certain movements that used not to be a problem.

Hence I have decided to commit myself to coming twice a week, until I am ‘back to normal’ again. In Berlin I always could do more, for the studio is never as hot. But in London I certainly should be able to do a lot more than I did today.

Above all else I KNOW that, one fine day, the left side will be like the right side. I just hope it’ll be before I leave my body altogether! But if not, at least I’ve tried – with the ONLY method that offers me that promise!

Six years later and still hurting & healing…

Isn’t it funny: when I started this blog, one year after lots of crying and sweating, I thought that my hip was 95% healed.

But the left hip and knee are STILL not like the right one!!!

It’s as if first the bones got adjusted, then the muscles and now the ligaments and tendons. Each with different kinds of pains in different places and ‘bothersomeness’…

And at the same time, the mind gets changed. For you cannot but change your thinking when you keep having to decide whether to push or not to push beyond your ability to endure stress and strain in ‘strange’ ways and places…

You got to go through it yourself to appreciate it. But it does take persistence, perseverance and a deep commitment to enjoying challenges. Go for it! It’s worth it!!!

 

Published in: on March 31, 2011 at 5:02 pm  Comments (1)  
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Nobody knows the troubles I’ve felt…

Every Wednesday is my Yoga day in Berlin, but when I’m in London I try to go more frequently, as travel time is so much less.

Today I came out with my hip aching as if the accident was a few months ago. The miracles of re-aligning and “re-twisting” that joint into place, tendons, ligaments, muscles and all, will not cease to amaze me. It may not happen 100% by the time I die, but I sure will keep trying!!!

For neither doctors nor lawyers will EVER know how I feel and have been feeling. Nor will they “volunteer” to pay for damages or compensation. Their mindsets won’t allow it: male, mean, non-caring, non-healing, analytical rather than conceptual, restrictive rather than constructive, competitive rather than cooperative, and so it goes along the male / female divide.

Men need to connect their heads with their hearts, as they grow older, but who succeeds?

Women need to connect their hearts with their head, but how many men can stand smart women??? Either intelligent or pretty, but not both. That’s what I discovered at the time of advising physicists who became nobel prize winners later.

But I know what I know, and I trust that the Universe knows, too. Everything will come right, in its time and its logic:

  • the Universe did NOT let me find CERN as an employer, only to forget about it, once I had made my fundamental discoveries and deep insights
  • it does NOT want me to suffer for the sake of suffering; I am gaining insights and my self-knowledge is growing
  • and I am gaining strength and flexibility, as well as purposefulness and pointedness as I practise the Standing Bow…

Watch this space… i.e. where I share my passion for Bikram Yoga as the best physiotherapy there is. I wish all orthopaedic doctors did it once a week!

Published in: on February 9, 2011 at 4:33 pm  Leave a Comment  
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