A Symphony of Variations on the Theme of Pain and Suffering

“Much of your pain is self-chosen,” says Kahlil Gibran in his marvellous book The Prophet.
“Your pain is psychological,” doctors said again and again, ever since that accident in 1973…

And what do I think?
I can call it ‘fascinating’ how my body is inventive at creating pains.
I can call it ‘amazing’ how I never know where what will hurt when I walk or move.
And it does not matter what I call it. For it just hurts. This way and that way, here and there.

What have I been learning?
It began with minimising the number of steps, when I was walking with crutches.
It continued with the search for ‘remedies’ and alternatives, physical, psychological and energetic.

And it is an eternal path of self-awareness that has opened:

  • who am I who is hurting?
  • what is pain, if not the other extreme of pleasure?
  • how far do I go to avoid hurt?
  • what happened when I ‘overdid’ it?
  • why did I not know my limits of endurance?

Because my body is as open-ended as Life is. 
For my body, between its extremities of fingers and toes,
is a micro-cosm of that which it is embedded in:
the cosmic ocean of oneness that holds planets and stars,
Earth and suns, waters and winds, solids and airs.

The more I stretch in hot Yoga classes,
the better I feel. Always.
But I also learned NOT to follow the instructions of the teacher.

The more I hurt, the more attention I give to that spot, that area,
or that part of my body that is simply a marvel:
in terms of energy becoming matter
and matter becoming movement
to stretch not only arms and legs,
but also emotions.

Between sky-high jubilations and hopes
and deep-down despairs and woes,
I oscillate,
seeking peace and joy.

Courage and passion,
empathy and enthusiasm
seem to be the result.

Commitment to self-healing,
perseverance with self-awareness –
what else is there as ‘cursor of guidance’?

My inner voice is ‘matched’ by outer reflections on-screen.
My awareness of ‘being’ is enhanced by sensorial highs and lows.

It would be unnatural to live along highs only.
As long as there is death,
we will experience pain: the pain of being separated and dis-connected from those we love.

Thus we better familiarise ourselves with the deep valleys of pain,
physical and emotional,
material and energetic.

For NOT to acknowledge what our souls do in our bodies
leads to illness.

Conscious acknowledgment of pain
has lead me to become political, when I thought that politics was made for men…

Life is about awareness:
of Self and Others,
Nature and Universe.

And Life is about polarities:
men and women,
parents and children,
bodies and souls,
matter and energy,
Yin and Yang.

Long live our attempts to connect and transcend polarities.
With awareness.
Of pains and of pleasures,
in search of meaning and connectedness
with Self and Others,
with Nature and the Universe…

Alexander has become my healer par excellence.
He has allowed me to feel my leg as a whole.
He has reconnected the leg to its ground of being:
a hip that was dis-jointed,
a pelvis that was mis-aligned
a woman in search of her purpose in life
seeking meaning in everything.

And thus I shall going: feeling and acknowledging pains:
in myself and in others.

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Published in: on May 30, 2016 at 12:16 am  Leave a Comment  

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