Towards ending 39 years of chronic pain while continuing the “good fight”

Dear Emma

Since you are a very senior teacher, I KNOW that you knew what you were doing when you stopped the draft under the  door that gave me some cooling in the heat… You had corrected my posture before, you had opened the door for me, so I knew you cared and observed. You obviously noticed that I cried, for you wouldn’t have talked about people crying during class.

The only trouble is: I keep crying now when I remember the session… When I started Bikram in 2005, I used to cry for months, mainly at the end, and considered it ‘progress’ when it stopped. I even did the 30-day challenge, i.e. every day in a row and you gave me an orange mat as acknowledgement.

In Berlin, where I’ve been practising since 2009, the studio is cooler, so I can always do all exercises, whereas in London I need to rest depending on the heat and on the day. You can tell from the redness of my face.

And what do my tears tell me? How very hard the struggle is: the attempt to re-align my left side with its dislocated hip and neck damaged by a whiplash. The subsequent mis-alignment over 32 years, with 25% less muscle in the left leg has clearly caused a LOT that the Bikram magic needs to redress.

But the Bikram magic also addresses the emotions, the energies behind our thoughts and our feelings. At the time, I cried over the ‘ancient pains’ that I re-experienced thanks to my efforts in the heat. Now I cry over the toughness of the struggle: the struggle of making efforts and efforts and efforts and still there is room for pain – despite the promise of my dream… In fact, it has been pretty bad lately, BUT I don’t hurt when I turn in bed any more and it has often been very good as well, walking for longer than ever.

With your action, you have shown me that:

  • I need to accept my environment
  • I cannot control or change what surrounds me in my life, however tough it may be
  • the struggle is relentless, but it is the “good fight”
  • my pain is always less than the pain of many, many others as you can see on my most popular website Victims Unite
  • my need to cry is clearly part of my healing process, even if it seems “too much” like the room temperature.

And thus I shall continue to cry when I think of your session for as long as my body needs to…

And I shall continue to make my efforts in that ‘torture room’ for as long as I am able to. It is simply the best there is, given my needs for healing myself.

Let me Thank You with my tears for your ‘tough love’. They clearly wash emotions away that are blocking my healing, as the asanas unblock muscles, tendons and ligaments.

My internet radio plays “the dance of time”. Bikram classes are a fixed point in my dance through the time of my life, and I shall forever be grateful for the student who mentioned it to me in 2005.

In the changing room, I overheard you say: “maybe do less, just stay in the room.” That obviously applies to me, too.

May I continue to benefit from your experience for many years to come. And may lots of other students benefit from the wisdom of your experience!

The day before you made my class with your suggestion of painting a rainbow while stretching. You made me smile with the energy with which you suggested to breathe. Good to know that the body remembers both: pains and smiles!

Yours most gratefully,

Sabine

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